


Shatter Me

by TddkPowers



Series: The Lake [2]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Asuka is nice-ish, Attempted Suicide, Canon-Typical Violence, Crying, Depressed Ikari Shinji, Depressing, Depression, How Do I Tag, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I hurt my feelings writing this, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Merman! Kaworu, Misato is terrible in this fic, No Smut, Panic, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad Ikari Shinji, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Shinji has a bad depressive episode, This Is Brutal, Tsk-Tsk, but its melancholy moreover, its so sad, merfolk, past trauma, shinji has a mental breakdown, this is sad af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2020-07-10 06:07:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19901050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TddkPowers/pseuds/TddkPowers
Summary: ⚠️❗️READ THE TAGS❗️⚠️Hey im sorry for not telling y'all about this, but I'm very happy with this first chapter and this one will definitely be longer than ‘Under The Waves’ and I'm by far, much happier with this one. Hope you enjoy! The second chapter is brutal and Shinji goes crazy, so





	1. Tank

**Author's Note:**

> ⚠️❗️READ THE TAGS❗️⚠️
> 
> Hey im sorry for not telling y'all about this, but I'm very happy with this first chapter and this one will definitely be longer than ‘Under The Waves’ and I'm by far, much happier with this one. Hope you enjoy! The second chapter is brutal and Shinji goes crazy, so

Shinji was on his way to the clear lake to see Kaworu in all of his glory, but he was uncomfortable. The atmosphere was wrong and he felt wrong. The lake felt different. It felt like he was being watched, and he hadn’t even entered the lake yet.

The brunette took off his shirt, and then his shoes and socks. He waded in.

“Kaworu? Kaworu!” Shinji screamed, not caring about who or what he disturbed. 

“Shinji!” Kaworu surfaced, a grin on his face.

“Oh thank god!” They both went in for a hug, and the day played out as usual. Them just talking and hanging out on the water’s edge, swimming around and generally just cuddling.

“Shinji.”

“Yes?”

“Nothing I just like saying your name.” Shinji practically tackled him with that statement. 

“Hey Shinji. I just want you to know how much I love you, and how much I want to be human just for you.”

“That's really sweet, but I would literally die to be where you are everyday, no matter what you are.”

“You won.”

“I know I did.”

——

He went back the next day to find Kaworu gone. No matter how much he called for him, he never surfaced. Shinji even went under the waves to find him, but he couldn’t find him.

He was broken enough and didn’t need another missing piece in his life. His mother was dead, his father was absent, and Kaworu was gone. Just, gone. Something horrible must have happened. Taking a deep breath of air as he surfaced, choking on a small bit of water he accidentally inhaled when he was ascending.o

As Shinji exited the water, he walked around the lake many times, examining every little detail. There were subtle drag marks that were pretty sizeable and lead out of the water, but that was normal considering there were predators that roamed around the water and occasionally would drag a fish out like that. There were also a little bit of fishing line that looked to be broken. That was normal too, considering that fish existed and they were tasty.

He left the lake a mess. The drive home was hell, and nothing could take his mind from wandering off to horrible places. He settled on that maybe Kaworu had been asleep and that he didn’t hear him swimming around. Yeah, that's it.

——

Shinji visited the lake many more times over the course of a week, and Kaworu was indeed gone. He never showed up, not even once. There was no sign that he even existed.

He finally had someone who cared about him the way Kaworu did, and he was gone. It hurt so bad. This couldn't be real, this couldn't be happening again.

He said he’d die to be where the other was, didn’t he?

——

“Hey Shin, this is getting ridiculous. You’ve stopped hanging out with us and you don’t even go outside to buy food anymore! You’re so lucky you work from home!” Asuka screamed at him, and Rei put her hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t yell at him. That's not what he needs right now.” This earned a growl and scoff from Asuka.

“Well, were going to the aquarium today and you’re gonna join us. No if’s and’s or but’s, you’re going.”

He just looked at the others with red and puffy eyes from crying day and night.

“Okay, be ready at two! We’ll be here to pick you up. And take a shower for fuck’s sake.” And with that, the girls left.

‘The aquarium. That's the worst place for me to go to right now.’

“Why does everyone I love disappear?” He sobbed, the all-too-familiar burn as he wiped his tears away with the back of his hand, his eyelids and tear ducts raw from days of endless crying and rubbing.

——

He decided to listen to Asuka and took a nice hot shower to calm his nerves and relax him. And it worked well. He felt refreshed and energized, and a brand new guy ready to tackle the day. When the hour of departure rolled around, a hearty knock of his front door signaled that the pair of girls had arrived, and were ready to go.

“SHINJI!” The hothead yelled through the door, although muffled. 

“Coming!” He swung open the door and the trio were off.

“This is the happiest we’ve seen you all week.” Asuka turned around to look at him.

“Well I actually listened to you and took a shower.” He nervously laughed and put a hand behind his head.

“I guess you really wanted to go to the aquarium today.” The driver added.

“Yeah, it’ll take my mind out of the clouds.”

“Okay Shinji you’re in the backseat so you’re DJ. Don’t play something terrible, got that?” Shinji nodded in response.

——

Arriving at the aquarium and seeing all the people gathering around was odd. They lived in a relatively small town and nothing too exciting ever happened there. If they were to guess, there were over one thousand people just outside, and something was definitely fishy (pun intended).

“Oh my god we picked a bad day to come here.” Asuka looked on in amazement at the staggering number of people there.

“We’re here so let's just go.” The stoic girl replied.

“TO VALHALLA!!” Screeched the redhead, pointing to the entrance to the building, almost getting a chuckle out of the brunette.

It took ten minutes just to get their tickets, and that's not counting the wait in line. The wait was so worth it, because of the line they get one meal 10% off for the wait!

“That was cool of them.” Shinji blandly said, his heart still in agony. Every white fish he saw, he struggled to not break down and cry on the floor. Luckily, there weren’t very many albino fish at the aquarium.

The older teens walked around aimlessly, looking at fish and such. All was well, and it took his mind off of Kaworu, so it helped somehow. There were many beautiful, mysterious and creepy fish there, and almost all of them were adorned with cool and colorful with nice markings and big fins and were so flashy, but none of them even compared to how beautiful Kaworu’s fins and tail were. No, how beautiful Kaworu was, not just his tail and fins. God he missed Kaworu. It hurt so much. Without him, he noticed how empty he really was. 

He felt broken again. This is why he stopped having relationships, so he wouldn’t be broken again.

‘Why does everyone I love die.’ Asuka spoke, and it broke him out of a trance of self-loathing.

“Holy shit…” the redhead looked surprised. How? She was an aspiring marine biologist so she knew a lot of different fish, so this must have been really rare or a favorite of hers. There were so many people at this tank, and the tank itself was huge. It was so daunting.

A huge and magnificent white fish tail was poking out from behind the wall of the tank, just barely visible from outside the tank. It was curled up in a really unnatural way for a fish, and it looked so familiar, yet foreign due to its posture. Shinji decided to relocate to the other side of the tank to get a better look at the fish. His heart sank again. He realized why it looked so familiar, and it took a lot of his will to stop himself from having a panic attack and vomiting up all of the food he had actually ate.


	2. Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the tags for the love of god.
> 
> This chapter is gory and not good for people who would not like to read graphic descriptions of violence and self harm.
> 
> Please click off right now, or wait for the next chapter, as it will not be gory (except that small description of what happened, but nothing too bad).

Kaworu looked up and rested his chin on a raised part of his tail, and spotted Shinji. His eyes widened and his pupils constricted into pinpoints, causing his bright red eyes to look even more fearful and desperate. The albino looked like a deer in the headlights, pain and suffering laced into his face, his eyes practically screamed ‘help me’. Although, Kaworu looked at Shinji with a look of absolute betrayal. That hurt even more than Kaworu’s disappearance. Knowing that his boyfriend thought he had betrayed him was the worst pain he had ever felt. Shinji could feel his heart shatter into tiny little pieces. This time, no amount of therapy and pills could fix this.

The love of his life now hated him, so he ran.

He told himself he wouldn’t run anymore, but he did.

He did a 180, and ran as fast as he could out of the building, tripping and pushing into people.

“Shinji, what's wrong!” Asuka called after him, pushing her way through the crowd. Shinji didn’t care at this moment in time. 

The brunette pushed open the doors and kept running, and running, and running. As he ran, he could feel absolute pain and suffering build up in his stomach, preparing to propel itself out from sprinting so far and fast, and from what he had just seen. Lungs struggled to catch up, his legs burning the carbon dioxide waste left in them. 

——

Not ten minutes of sprinting later, he found himself breaking through the treeline of the forest surrounding a mountain. Mistake number one.

He just kept running, not caring where he ended up. Mistake number two.

His sprinting became a run, then his running became a jog, and then his jogging became a shame-filled walk.

“I have nothing left.” The brunette said aloud, running through a hand through his soft brown hair. He started to laugh, but he was not happy at all. This laugh was pure hurt. He started to cry. He knew he looked crazy. He knew he was going crazy.

“I have nothing left to live for!” Shinji looked up at the orange sky and that disgusting sticky feeling of fear flooding his small, frail body. 

“What did I do wrong?” He actually wondered what he did, he couldn't understand, stopping his shaking and sobbing to purge the contents of his stomach. After vomiting, he smiled and continued to spiral farther and farther into madness. 

Shinji continued to walk through the thick forest, laughing and sobbing and shaking. He walked for literal hours. It was 3:00 when he ran away from the aquarium, and it was dusk now. His feet didn’t hurt anymore. He couldn't feel any pain other than his heart’s remains. Shinji knew if he didn’t stop walking, he would be gone forever. So he kept walking. He of course had to give up at some point. So he gave up.

“I'm so useless.” Shinji looked up at the now black sky, he had stopped laughing and sobbing at this point, but he still smiled. He sat down on the soft and short grass of the small clearing in the forest. He could see the entire town from where he was on the mountain. He knew Asuka had put out a missing persons report on him, and he knew they would start the next morning. He had to get rid of himself before that happened.

The brunette looked for a way to destroy himself. A way to rid everyone of the pain he caused. He needed to go away, forever. 

He tried taking off his shirt and tying it around a tree branch. He didn’t tie the knot correctly, so it didn’t work.

The rocks weren’t sharp enough to even cut his skin. They just scraped uncomfortably. Wait, this might work.

“This should do!” He found a decent-sized rock with a sharp, long, and thin point on one side. Shinji knew this was going to work at the cost of physical agony. But he deserved it. He laid his left hand on the grass, palm up. He picked the rock up with his right hand, took a deep breath, and brought it down onto his wrist. A sickening crunch, and a sharp and dull pain shot up his arm. Blood was everywhere. Spurting out of his wrist and parts of his hand. It hurt so bad. Nothing compared to the way Kaworu had just shattered his heart. He picked up the rock again. 

A gasp pierced the quiet sounds of the woods. He looked up towards the source and his the remains of his heart dropped.

“SHINJI!” Rei ran towards him frantically, but still keeping a very level head. The brunette was starting to get dizzy, his wrist was destroyed, it was beyond recognizable. The girl struggled to rip her belt off, and fasten it around his left bicep to slow the bleeding.

“Shinji, tell me what triggered this. If you wanted help, please talk to Asuka and I.”

This is one of the big reasons he didn’t like close relationships. They’ll trigger a depressive episode anytime that person had even the smallest bit of disdain for him. This The episode was coming to an end and, oh god. The fact just settled in that he was going to die. By his own hands, and for a dumb reason. He started to sob, his brain trying to wrap itself around what he had just done, the large amount of blood that was lost was not helping to defog his brain.

“Please, don’t cry Shinji. Save your energy.”

Hearing that made him feel even more guilty. He had zero reasons to cry, and yet, there he was, bawling his eyes out and bleeding profusely.

“God, im so worthless. I'm sorry that you had to see me like this, Rei.” a sickly sad smile broke out across his face, still sobbing. She tore off her shirt and wrapped it around his absolutely destroyed wrist. Ha, and he thought the initial breaking of his tendons and muscles was painful.

“Shin, stop putting yourself down. And please, don’t do this again.” Rei was so strong. Not wavering at the gore and distressed failure in front of her. She was physically strong, too. The blue-haired girl picked the frail boy up with ease, and carrying him to her car gently, and not even jostling him when she was speeding to the nearest hospital. 

His blood loss causing him to go pale and lose consciousness. He felt so heavy, like tar was weighing him down. His heart felt so empty, but pained at the same time. 

“Rei, can you play ode to joy for me?”

“Yes.”

The beautiful tune of the musical piece was mentally soothing, lulling him into an anemic trance.


	3. Fluorescent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy!! Im back!! After the second chapter, i was very apprehensive to continue this but thanks to Puella_Magica, i was able to get this one done with my heart being torn apart by them adding a reference to my series ‘The Lake’ (which Shatter Me, and Under The Waves is in)

Kaworu was in an aquarium. Trapped in a tank with fish, and it was too small. He was probably scared, scared out of his mind. He was probably going insane in there. Shinji wanted to do something, anything to help the merman. But he couldn’t. He was- wait. Where was he?

Beep. A nagging beep. One with a pitch so annoying and practically disgusting. His mouth felt agape, like it was open, but there was something down it, and it was so uncomfortable, but it was in his lungs somehow. Shinji’s left arm felt weird, too, and it was as if something was poking in it. Wait- his wrist. He remembered that he smashed it with a rock and tried to commit suicide. His wrist. What happened to it? 

The brunette tried to open his eyes, but he couldn’t. Why couldn’t he open his eyes, goddammit! And why didn’t he feel any pain in his left hand and wrist? He destroyed it, he remembered that sickening crunch of his bones cracking, and blood everywhere. 

His eyelids were bathed in velvet red from and overhead light. Shinji put the pieces together. He was in a hospital. That's why he couldn’t feel any pain, that's why his arm felt weird, that’s why! That's why he’s still alive. The brunette began to feel warmth in his eyes, and soon, that warmth traveled down his cheeks and onto the pillow he was currently laying on. He was crying, but why? There was no reason. His heart dropped.

Footsteps. Footsteps of someone. He didn’t know who, but its was someone. “Probably the nursing staff coming in to drug me up again.” He thought. He was wrong. A sniffle and a small sob echoed from the person, it sounded small, unlike anyone he’d ever known.

“Idiot.” It was Asuka. Her eyelids were probably red and swollen from crying and rubbing, knowing her. She didn’t like to see her tears fall, and she was a wreck, that's what he knew for sure. Why can’t he open his eyes, why can’t he move? She began to sob hysterically, and pound on the rails of his bed, the vibrations traveled through into the bed, and into Shinji’s destroyed body. He heard a small crack and pop from his left, although he didn’t feel anything, he knew it would hurt if he wasn’t so drugged up. The room fell silent, and Asuka stopped hitting the edge of the bed.

“I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to please forgive me Shinji!” The redhead sounded so distraught, and destroyed. If anyone was sorry, it was him. He was sorry for everything. His tears fell from the corners of his still-closed eyes.

“Can… can you hear me? Shinji can you hear me?” He tried to do something, anything! He tried to scream “Yes! Yes I can! I can hear you loud and clear!” Nothing happened, though. He just laid there, crying like he usually did.

“I guess not…” And she was gone, her slow, depressed footsteps faded and he was alone again. Alone to contemplate and think about what he did. He caused the people who loved him so much grief and pain. Shinji missed Asuka. He missed Rei. He missed his mom, and most of all, he missed Kaworu. He missed his embrace, his soft white hair, his smile, his warm red eyes, his lips, and his gorgeous tail and body. He missed his handsome boyfriend. “What would he think if I had died?” The brunette thought, he saw many things in his head.

“I would have probably hurt him.” He felt the stream of tears grow stronger and he felt his eyebrows start to furrow, if just the smallest amount. His right hand twitched, he sniffled, he choked, he sobbed. He moved. Rapid footsteps approached, and this time, it was a nurse. She screamed and called for a doctor. More footsteps. Something grabbed a hold of the thing that was down his throat and in his lungs, and removed something from it. He choked and sobbed uncontrollably while his right hand wiped his tears away. He didn’t want to open his eyes and see all the judging faces looking down on him, but something else was put on the something, it was still supplying oxygen to his lungs. Wait- this wasn’t oxygen, this was anesthesia. He could feel his consciousness slipping away by the second. Trying to resist was useless, and within 30 seconds, he was gone.

——

“What have I done.” The albino muttered over and over again, curled up in the fetal position with his hands pulling his hair. “Oh god what have I done!” He began to shake his head violently, his eyes were wide and unblinking. He began to swim around swiftly in circles. “I hurt Shinji.” He stopped at the very back of the glass encasing. Kaworu covered his face with his hands and began to tremble and curl up again. His porcelain white body sank to the bottom of the tank. He just sat there and cried. 

“What happened to Shinji? Did he do anything?” Horrible thoughts raced through his mind, shattering his heart into pieces. He knew Shinji. He knew that he had done something. He knew he had tried to commit suicide. He knew that he had crushed his heart. He was a broken boy, and it didn’t take much to destroy him, and that's what he did, although unintentional, he did it and that hurt Kaworu more than anything. Knowing that he willingly or unwillingly hurt his lover was the worst feeling to have, and not knowing if he had been successful in his attempt or unsuccessful was just as bad. He imagined never seeing Shinji again. He imagined not being able to go to his funeral, or say one last goodbye, or having Shinji hate him. 

“I fucked up so bad.” 

——

Shinji was floating in fluid, and it was a beautiful gradient from bright aqua and electric blue, to a dark and mysterious prussian blue. This place was so peaceful and quaint. He took a deep breath, this fluid filling his lungs. It was heavy, but comfortable. He exhaled, the substance left his lungs with a ‘swish’. He felt his heart pound against his chest, and in his ears, and in his throat. The brunette’s mouth felt empty, and dry. He wanted Kaworu. The human blinked, and there he was. His beautiful Kaworu, right in front of him. He outstretched his arms, awaiting an embrace. But it did not come. The abino just floated there, staring at him. His handsome face twisted into a scowl, and his white eyebrows furrowed downwards.

“Disgusting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay i hope you liked it! I may be a tadddddd bit rusty but whatever! I will probably be posting a lot less due to school starting up again so theres that, but i am determined to finish this!


	4. Starlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this ones a lil short from my usual, and again thanks to Puella_Magica for referencing me ill be forever grateful, just because of a kudos and a reference and shoutout!

The brunette gasped as he woke up. He knew he had dreamt, but he didn’t remember what he dreamt of. Maybe it was for the better. It had been a week since the incident, and he was due to be released today. Shinji looked out at the breaking dawn, he could still see the stars. He remembered, one time, he and Kaworu went stargazing out on the shore while the tide was high and the water was freezing, so they snuggled up together and Shinji pointed out the constellations to his lover. He remembered he ended up sitting on Kaworu’s lap, and wrapping his legs around his waist, making him blush like a firetruck.

“It's hard to love you without going too far.” He remembered that after that he said this, they might have gone a little too far...

“I said I’d die to be where you were, didn’t I? I tried, and it didn’t work, so I’ll pay.” He mumbled to himself. His wrist was still in a splint, and he was off painkillers 24/7, so his entire arm hurt and throbbed. A lot. He regretted even trying to die. It hurt everyone around him. He was broken again. He wanted Kaworu, but he probably hated the brunette. He wanted to hold him again, he wanted his touch so bad. So bad. Shinji was finally broken out of his head by a nurse checking on him.

“Oh you’re awake, Mr. Ikari.” She entered the room and closed the door. Her scrubs were mint, and her hair was violet and slightly longer than shoulder length. “How are you feeling?” 

“Fine.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, is there something wrong?” He was confused.

“No, it's just, i've heard that excuse many times before.”

“Oh. I'm just getting a bit of nostalgia from looking at the stars.”

“What is it?” She smiled, he hair glistened lightly in the rising sun’s rays.

Shinji looked towards the nurse. “Nothing important.” He sighed.

“Okay, I'll leave you to it then.” A small giggle escaped her lips, and she was gone.

——

The trio left the hospital, Shinji’s destroyed wrist in a cast and splint. Asuka had already marked it up. 

“C-can we go to the a-aquarium again? I want to redeem myself.”

“Rei, do i give in?”

“Sure, do whatever, but we’ll stay close by your side, and no running off.

“Rei said yes so were going, Asuka.” The redhead huffed.

—— 

They arrived at the very familiar aquarium. It was literally empty, as it normally was before they got the new attraction. They traversed the halls, not even gazing at any fish, just walking to one specific exhibit. When Shinji found what he was looking for, he stopped and stared. The fish was looking back, wide-eyed.

The albino pressed his thin hands against the glass, his red eyes were sunken and glazed over, his hair looked wiry and unkempt, and his skin looked dead and sick, his lips quivered and curled into a frown, although Shinji couldn't hear his boyfriend, he knew his voice was destroyed and raspy. “I'm sorry.” Kaworu mouthed out, as he leaned his head up against the glass and looked towards Shinji’s cast. Bubbles escaped his slightly parted lips. He looked so helpless, he looked so afraid, so lost. 

“Do… do you know him?” Asuka questioned, absolutely dumbfounded.

“Yes.” Shinji monotonously answered, not even turning around to look at the two girls. He sighed as he ended his answer.

“How?” The blue-haired girl was oddly curious, her indifferent attitude faded just enough for a bit of emotion to slide out. 

“I’ll tell you later. Please, let me gather myself for a minute.”

“Whatever you say. Were gonna look at more fish. This time, we trust you won't do anything brash.” And the girls were off to look around.

As soon as they were gone, the human dropped to the ground and sobbed. Kaworu just looked on in horror as his lover was crying in front of him, but he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t hold him and whisper sweet nothings in his ears and pepper his cheeks with kisses and run his webbed fingers through his soft brown hair. This place was hell.

The tank was cramped and gross, and crawling with negativity. The fish hated it here, and so did he. The water was stale and it had a gross feeling in his gills and lungs. The albino could see the filth in this place, and it clung to his porcelain white skin.

——

Kaworu luckily didn’t have to suffer for too long because Shinji had stopped sobbing and just pressed his forehead and hands to the remotely thin glass, his cast making a clink and sending pain all throughout his arm. He didn’t care in this moment, the physical pain did not even compare to the ache in his heart.

“I miss you.” The brunette whispered, making Kaworu’s heart sink. It hurt to see him like this. He looked so defeated.

“Why does this hurt so much?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have more, and im currently working on multiple chapters at once!


	5. Creep

Leaving the exhibit was so hard to do. It felt like he was abandoning Kaworu, like his father did him. He hated walking away, and the two girls had to practically drag him away.

“Shinji, you said you would tell us how you met him when we got in the car. Tea is meant to be spilt, so spill it!” The redhead turned around to face him, and her grin was ear to ear.

“Uhm…” The brunette looked to the floor and blushed and fidgeted with his cast. “Remember when I got yanked under the surface?”

“Yeah, how could we forget? You almost drowned.” She chimed.

“Well, I met him then. He saved my life.” 

“That's really cool.” The driver added monotonously. 

“So, what's your relationship with him?” Rei asked, her eyes still glued to the road. Shinji’s face turned beet-red, and he looked to the floor again. Asuka started to cackle.

“Okay, well that answers that.” She’d stopped Laughing and added “How ‘bout we do him a favor?” A maniacal expression broke across the redheads’ face.

“You-!” Shinji was dumbfounded, but so happy. Finally, he would be able to hold his boyfriend in his arms again! Oh, imagine the euphoria of kissing him again, or touching his soft and pale skin, or running his slightly tan hand down his sides and curves, or making his face turn red. Just thinking about it makes his heart race and his body hot and tingly.

“I think Toji and Kensuke could help us too. Kensuke will gladly oblige.” She cracked her knuckles for insinuation, still with a crazy smile.

——

“You want us to do WHAT!?” Toji screamed, his hands flailing into the air.

“Do you need us to clarify?” Rei said extremely passive-aggressively, she exhaled through her nose forcefully. By her tone, you could tell she was frustrated. Although to an onlooker who knew nothing about her, she appeared calm and collected, but to her group, she was screaming. Asuka cracked her entire body.

“Fine, we’ll do it.” Kensuke put his hands in the air and waved them around, surrendering without a fight.

“For fucks sake, Kensuke.” Toji sighed and facepalmed.

“Okay, do you think there are alarms?” The freckled boy asked, trying to get the basics and how to approach this. “You know what, let's assume there are alarms, just to be safe.” He pushed his glasses up. “What side of the building is he on?”

“The exit.” Asuka chimed.

“Wait, can he even breathe air?” Toji questioned, momentarily breaking out of his sulking trance.

“Yes! Yes he can!” Shinji spoke finally. Toji went to sulk in the corner again.

“Wow! This will be easier than I thought!” Kensuke cheered. “Is there a staircase next to the tank?”

“Yeah. Is that our way in?”

“Most likely.”

“Aight, let's gather up some gear!”

——

“Okay, do we all have a change of clothes?”

“Yes.” The unanimously answered the question asked by the freckled boy.

“And the gloves? And the bags?”

“Yeah.” Asuka answered this one. “Lets go!” 

They began to approach the building, it was dark and cloudy. Not a star in sight. While Kensuke readied his lockpicks, the others put on their gloves.

Click, and the door was open.

“Kensuke you’re amazing!” Shinji whispered, he was absolutely beaming.

The group entered the deserted building. It was pitch black, but they were prepared and brought dull flashlights. The yellow-ish beams illuminated the halls. They pointed the beams towards tank, and low and behold, Kaworu was not asleep. His once large eyes were half lidded and sunken. Those eyes darted towards the source of the light, they widened in realization.

The albino rose up from the fetal position and stretched. The three boys ran up the staircase and Kensuke picked the lock to the large feeding area. The door opened and Shinji rushed in, just as Kaworu surfaced, taking in a deep breath. 

“Kaworu my wrist is broken so I can't carry you, so Toji will.” The brunette explained. “Toji, go on. He’s actually not that heavy.”

“Shinji, no need to flatter me.”

“I’m not! Im telling the truth!”

“You two are sickening.” Kensuke sighed. As Toji went to pick him up, he struggled immensely. “Bullshit he’s not heavy!”

“He isn’t, you’re just weak.” The brunette ran down the stairs and got Rei. She lifted the merman with ease.

“I told you.” The dark skinned boy was about to sulk before Asuka ran up the stairs and yelled for them to hurry.

Shinji practically flew into the back seat as Rei approached with his lover. He wished he was her in that moment. The brunette opened the door and the blue-haired girl set the albino on his lap. They instantly cuddled and began kissing.

“If you two were anyone else, it would be actually disgusting to see that.” Asuka snorted as she called shotgun, for the umpteenth time.

“It is disgusting, Asuka. Frankly, I would be disgusted if it were other people too!” Toji remarked, a grin plastered on his face.

“Virgin problems.” Rei smirked, absolutely slaughtering Toji’s confidence as his grin fell while the rest of the car erupted into hysterical laughter. Once the laughter subsided, Shinji spoke.

“This is my version of a thank you, because I don’t think I ever thanked you enough for saving my life, both physically and emotionally.” 

“This is so sappy and, I can’t even.” Asuka started laughing again as the other two in the backseat looked at the lovers in… who knows what emotion, but Kensuke said “ew” under his breath. At this point, they had stopped their makeout session and were just peacefully clinging onto one another.

“We never agreed on where to put him once we actually broke him out of there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Puella_Magica, i have repaid you for the reference, and given you one as well. This one is slightly funny at the end (i cant humor, i can only angst) but i hope all of you enjoyed this, and i should have at least one more chapter out before this one finishes.


	6. Forget About the Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey... about me being gone so long, IM SO SORRY OH GOD-

The car was silent. Absolutely silent.

“Oh god we got everything but a place to put him!” Toji (surprisingly) broke the silence, grabbing fistfuls of his own jet black hair.

Back in the lake was not an option, they would find him again.

“Asuka! You have a pond at your cabin house thing don’t you? The one you inherited when your mom died?” Shinji asked, although it was more of a plead. 

“A pond. It won’t work, because it’s barely 5 feet deep. It’s really clean, though.” She huffed.

“How, how about your bathtub?” The driver emitted a rare hesitation.

“Wait what? My bathtu- is that really what you’re proposing?” Shinji was taken aback by the mere idea of putting his lover in his bathtub. And what would he do to not dry up?

“Shinji, it's the best idea we've got.” Rei’s voice raised the slightest amount, and everyone knew, she was right. Like a mom who can’t lose an argument.

“Okay.” The brunette squeaked out.

——

“Is it too hot?” Kaworu’s tail was so long that it was almost plastered against the ceiling, the window letting in the orange sky’s light.

“No. Its fine, it'll cool down anyway.” 

“Okay, will you be okay in here, or do you want me to sleep here with you?”

“I'll be fine, but I would like you to stay until i get tired.”

“Okay. I can stay up multiple nights, if need be.”

“Oh no please don’t do that!”

Shinji placed a chaste kiss on his pale cheek, earning a gag from Asuka.

“You two are sickening!” She retorted. “I guess it's time to go so we can leave you two alone.” The redhead rapidly raised her eyebrows and winking, obviously insinuating something.

Gross.

The group exited the brunette’s small apartment and were off. 

“So, what do you want to talk about?” Kaworu’s pale skin and scales tingled with a static-like feeling, and his chest felt as if it were about to burst. “Um, nothing in particular.” The merman responded nervously, fidgeting and not making eye contact.

“You okay? You seem nervous.” Said the anxiety plagued teen, plopping down on the edge of the bathtub.

“Yeah, it's just that it feels surreal being in your home.” Kaworu confessed, continuing to fidget whilst looking back and forth between Shinji’s knees and the wall on the other side. The brunette raised one eyebrow in uncertainty, but then he relaxed. 

“I just wanted to say, th-that I uh… uhm… I-I love you.” They both were red. Beet red. Shinji just sat there, blank-faced, and then he got up from the rail of the tub, and left. His hyperventilation and giggling could be heard from (presumably) his room.

——

BANG

BANG

BANG

Three hard knocks could be heard from the front door. This was different. If it was any of his friends, they would have announced themselves, and opened the door. This was different. It was scary.

“Wha…” Shinji was rudely awoken by the first knock, and was further confused by the other two. He started to make his way out of the bed, but was further awoken by an unfamiliar voice.

“STEP OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS THE POLICE!!”

What? Wait, what’s happeni-

“YOU’RE UNDER ARREST FOR THEFT OF AN AQUARIUM ANIMAL!!”

Oh. ‘Call Asuka.’ Was his first thought, but they’d hear him talking, so he opted for text. 

“Can I go to the bathroom first?”

No response, so he took it as a yes.

‘Hey i need help can you carry Kaworu out of the city?’

‘Wtf why?’

‘The police are at my door.’

‘Oh shit be right there’

And that was that. She was on her way to save his ass again. He entered the bathroom and alerted Kaworu to their situation, and told him the plan.

Not more than a minute later and Asuka was there, Shinji was trying to shove Kaworu out his bathroom window, and when he did, Asuka and Rei were there to catch him. After that, he quickly climbed out of it himself.

“Go!” And they were off, the sirens were nowhere to be heard.

——

“I’m so sorry.” Tears pouring down his sullen and slightly tan face. “I’m so sorry…”

‘It's all your fault.’

“It’s all my fault!”

“No! It’s my fault for not being cautious enough!” The albino protested.

“This wouldn’t have even happened if I hadn’t gotten captured in the first place!”

“No its not!” The redhead screamed. “Its none of your faults! Kaworu, it was out of your control!” She glared behind her at the merman, the driver barely flinching. “The cameras were just something that we failed to consider!”

“Stop arguing. Now.” Rei looked neutral as usual, but there was annoyance and venom laced into her voice.

Silence. She knew how to make people quiet. It was like that for the rest of the car ride.  
——

It was so beautiful, the pristine blue waters of the lake shone against the setting sun. Its was where the bright and full sky met the dark, empty waters of the lake. This lake was much deeper, he would never be captured again, ever.

“Its nice, isn’t it?” The brunette could feel his heart aching already, even though they haven't parted ways yet.

“Yes, yes it is… but I want you to know something.”

“Hm?” It hurts.

“All I want you to know, is to never, ever, let go. The sun will be your guide, so don’t forget about the sun.” The albino said, a soft kiss was placed on the brunette’s lips, adding a more pangs to the reality of what was happening. He felt like he was dying, both of them. It hurts so bad.

“And I’ll always be here,” he put a finger to his chest. 

“With you, forever.” His tears began to fall with those words. It hurts so fucking bad.

The brunette embraced his lover as hard as he possibly could. He was going to lose him.

“Please, visit me like you used to.” Shinji just nodded and started to sob even harder. It hurts so bad it feels like he’s crumbling.

“Goodbye, my love.” He was crying too. The albino falls back into the lake and disappears, the inky blue swallowing him up like a hungry beast.

It hurts so bad he can’t take it anymore.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, that was the end. It made me cry too... oh and yeah i got so busy with school work and, im super depressed rn (i wrote a 67 page paper with the words ‘i give up’ on all of the pages [no copy and pasting here] and the las word are ‘ive given up. Yeah.) and all that, and i finally had some time ‘cause of some family drama... plus i think my style changed, hmmmmmmm...


End file.
